Book review of "Thats What she said" by Joanne Lipman

Book 12/26 Leader are Learning series.

No, it is not Michael Scott from the TV show The Office finding a sexual innuendo in everything someone says or prepares and interaction to have the opportunity come up. It is a great book for any leader to read and understand women make a workplace better and there is evidence to prove it.

 

The sign of a good leader is to also be a good follower. I have been incredibly lucky to follow great female figures in my life and some of them were my leaders at work. I have been lucky enough to follow Christine Cobuzzi at DHL, Diane Abril at Mako, and Christine Clark at Stryker/Mako. I have also had the great pleasure of working alongside great female leaders and classmates like Danielle Armstrong, Melissa Lennon, Erin Dwyer, Lorraine Stanhope-Hirschberg, Jill McNair, Jennifer Smit, Patty Quinn McAuley, Fran McDaniel, Simi Naschel, Esther Sim, Ashlee Fuglio and many others. I have also had the opportunity to lead Natasha Siegel, Sue Ellen Morris, and a few others.

 

Whether it is in marketing products, services or building a new team, women make it better. However, many workplaces are not equal for female employees and many times women are underpaid and under-recognized for their accomplishments and tasks they perform. They are also stigmatized about certain gender-specific roles and questioned as to whether they can handle the work life balance of the job and family. Why is this question only being asked to women? If an employer asked a male employee that question would they be offended? I’m sure the reaction would be based on the man's Emotional Intelligence, but it should not be asked in the first place. Also, do you see women being interrupted during meetings?  What do you do? Here are some key tips and takeaways that author Joanne Lipman put in the back of the book as a cheat sheet to help any leader succeed in the workplace and have a more gender equal and friendly environment for everyone.

 

  1. Interrupt the interrupters

    1. The data show that even Supreme Court Justices are interrupted regularly by male counterparts, so how do we stop it now?

      1. Solution: Institute a “No interruptions” rule for everyone. Also, if a woman is cut in the conversation, cut off the interrupter.

  2. Use amplification and brag buddies

    1. Womens’ ideas often are not heard - until they are repeated by a man who gets the credit.

      1. Solution: Amplify the original speaker, meaning if a woman has a great idea amplify it and make sure she gets credit and vice versa for the male counterpart brag buddy.

  3. Diversify the interviewers, not just the applicants

    1. More companies are adopting a Rooney Rule for the office, requiring a diverse slate of applicants for job openings, but bringing in female applicants is only a first step.

      1. Solution: Mix things up by adding to the Rooney Rule by adding to a more balanced panel with female interviewers.

  4. She’ll help your bottom line

    1. Women are often boxed out of jobs or promotions because they aren’t “a good fit” or they are dismissed as “diversity hires” who are assigned a lower standard.

      1. Solution: Marshall the facts. Adding women makes work groups more creative. Companies with female CFO’s make fewer, better acquisitions than male counterparts. Firms with more female board members outperform those with the least by almost every financial measure. Mixed groups can even solve a murder more accurately than single sex groups... If you want a recipe for success, add women.

  5. She’s not “sorry,” she’s not “lucky,” and she’s not asking a question

    1. Researchers have found women use qualifiers (“Sorry to bother you, but…) to make themselves less threatening to others. If they do act assertively they are penalized for it, considered bossy, bitchy, or difficult to work with.

      1. Solution: Women are highly aware of these verbal tics and try to control themselves. But if they don't, just remember the next time a woman ends a sentence in a question mark “upspeak,” imagine she is instead stating it as a fact and banging on the table.

  6. Yeah not a compliment

    1. Women are often subjected to compliments that intentionally or belittle them - like when Joanane spent hours getting ready for a television news interview, only to be told by a senior executive that she looked “cute.”

      1. Solution: Would you say it to a man? If not you probably shouldn't say it to a woman either.

  7. She’s pretty sure you don’t respect her

    1. Researchers have found that men get more respect than women even if they hold the exact same position.

      1. Solution: Be on the lookout both large and small, and adjust your own behavior. Joanne speaks of writing an early draft of this book and speaking of a female doctor using her first name, and a male doctor as “Doctor.”  She corrected herself and will not let it happen again.

  8. Don’t decide for her

    1. When a new opportunity comes up, Joanne has often heard senior executives say that a female candidate would be ideal, but she has a new baby at home would not want to travel...or she has young kids and would not want relocate or to take on the extra hours.

      1. Solution: Don't assume. Ask her even if she declines, present the next opportunity, and the one after that. Joanne states that the same thing happened to her when she had young children and to keep the work life balance she declined, but later when her kids were older she took the position and excelled.

  9. Don’t be afraid of tears

    1. Barbara Annis and John Gray, co authors of the book Work With Me: The 8 Blind Spots between Men and Women in Business, identify emotion as one of the major pitfalls men face. Fear of tears can lead male managers to hold back from giving women honest feedback they need to progress.

      1. Solution: If you are a manager, check your employee reviews to ensure you evaluate men and women equally. Joanne writes that women cry from frustration, in situations where perhaps men would just yell.   

  10. She’s ready for raise, but she won't ask for it

    1. Men are four times more likely to ask for a raise than women - and when women do ask they typically request 30 percent less than men, according to a Carnegie Mellon study.

      1. Solution: If you are a manager take a look that you are not just rewarding the squeaky wheel. Compare salaries through online platforms like glassdoor and salary.com. Several states require salary audits and they are announced publicly.

  11. Hire women your mom’s age

    1. That catchy headline on a NYT op-ed by Sally Koslow, a former editor in chief at McCalls, perfectly captures the conundrum of older women. Many either quit or took lesser “mommy track” roles when their children were young. But as the kids fly the nest, women have as much ambition as ever and are eager to rev up their careers.

      1. Solution: Hire them! Better yet, help structure work so you don't lose them in the first place.

        1. Personal Note: My last assistant was a mom returning back to the workforce and has been one of the best employees I have ever had! Once my company is big enough I plan on hiring her back again! SE you are the best!

  12. She deserves a promotion -- she just doesn’t know it yet

    1. Men are far more likely than women to raise their hands for big promotions, whether they are ready for it or not. Companies including google, meanwhile, have found that qualified women often don't nominate themselves.

      1. Solution: Make sure qualified women are in the mix, whether they have their hands up or not. Be prepared to twist a few arms. You have to get into the pool to swim.

Book 10/26 Leaders are learning series; 10% Happier by Dan Harris

As a leader how do you handle stress and anxiety?

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    My mother always told me “what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger”. I agree 100% but not everyone is raised like this or built to handle stress and the mantle of leadership the same way.

    In my humble opinion I have been thrust into the world of leadership from an early age. I was the first born of three in a home where my father worked a lot and whether I liked it or not I had to be the man/Big boy of the house early on. Helping with my brother and sister as we grew up. Playing sports I was either selected as leader of a team or in the military always placed in leadership roles

     


    I admit I had a few anxiety attacks when I was young that caused me to have trouble breathing. It could also be the stress of being a kid but who knows. Then as I grew I found sports as great outlet for stress and my anger. I knew I had anger issues so I gravitated towards contact sports like boxing, football, hockey, and rugby. I would immerse myself in these sports and relieve the stresses of the day to get through it.

     

    In college I worked full time while being in the Army reserves and running a retail store with 30-50 employees. The stress was mounting but sports were there to even me out. Then as I worked in high pressure B2B sales and eventually medical device sales it became more and more difficult even with my schedule to use these sports to release the pressure valve. I saw myself getting more and more angry and stressed. I would be up at night thinking and ruminating on the events of tomorrow. Do I have enough people on my team for case coverage, do we have the implants we need is everything going to go the right way? I would be planning like a chess match many steps ahead. The lack of sleep was literally killing me, because many times I had to pull over and take naps on the side of the road so I would drive into the guard tails or off a cliff.

     

    Then I remembered a library class from high school where we meditated. I remember it well because we all laid on the ground and focused on our breathing and imagined ourselves as tanks filled with water. On each breath more and more water would leave our bodies and we would relax our heads, shoulders, chest and so on until we reached our toes. It was very relaxing and this memory trigger prompted me to start meditation again.

    This started me down my meditation path, before reading this book. I have been doing this for years, but a suggestion for a book recommendation from friend is always a good idea to take you never know what you will learn.

     

    The book spoke more about Dan’s journey as a local anchor person to working at ABC and having a panic attack on air. From there he talks about his journey as a combat correspondent in Iraq and Afghanistan Post 9/11. During these tours in combat zones he became accustomed to the excitement and adrenaline, so when he came back to the states he started using Cocaine to help bring back the endorphins of a combat zone. After he came down from these rushes he became depressed and anxious of things he could not control.

     

    Eventually he found meditation and with it he feels 10% happier. So how does this book help Leaders well it is no secret that leaders are generally under a lot of stress, so how do you deal with it. If this is your first opportunity to lead maybe you are not used to stress and don’t know how to handle it. Ancient warrior like the samurai used meditation regularly to maintain balance and so should you. Part of my discipline regime is meditation.

    • Wake up 0530

    • Workout 30-45 mins

    • Meditate -5mins

    • Read with morning coffee 30mins

    • Shower

    • Get to work!

     

    Adding this small part to my day help regulate me and get my day started. I sometimes add in again at the end of the day to help me sleep. Hey you never know this small addition to your daily routine could make you 10% happier too.

    Leaders are Learning Series Book 6/26 Musashi's Book of 5 Rings

    The book of 5 rings by Miyamoto Musashi

     

    1. Book Of Earth

      1. A leader must understand himself before he can understand the realities of leadership and asking others to do tasks, especially when watching is involved

      2. Only when each soldier has been observed can the commander know which warrior will be able to perform a specific act, otherwise chaos will result

      3. A leader should circulate among his people to appraise strengths and weaknesses. Praise and admonish

    2. Book of water

      1. You can only fight the way you practice

      2. You should strive to constantly educate yourself while still practicing your primary skill

      3. Focus on posture and body control when going into any situation, make your spine straight and bigger than you are.

      4. Becoming one with hitting your enemy, you must have a trainer.

      5. No thought no idea - attack your enemy with your body leaning forward with a confident attitude...this is how you should attack your day start before the greatest enemy catches up with your time.

      6. Attacking through the enemy- when your tired dig down deep and Sumon your energy to finish the attack and the day.

      7. He talks about stabbing but really means attack your problems directly with employees or the business as a whole

    3. Book of Fire

      1. The form where you fight- situational awareness, escape routes sometimes you cannot win the fight. Always finish your opponent

      2. 3 strategy to control the enemy- either you take the lead, hold off and take the lead, or force the lead. If you don’t control the lead the enemy will

      3. Timing- knowing yourself and your ability to fight will tell your body when you are ready to fight! If you are caught off guard you must counter quickly and aggressively

      4. Learn to be flexible in everything you do. Life is not scripted

      5. Know the enemy commander and his troops. Build a persona

    4. The book of wind

      1. Be humble, let your actions speak for themselves

      2. Have a broad view of situations and don’t focus on the small things.

      3. How to think of speed- speed is not the most important thing, rather rhythm and timing, and execute correctly! Natural and calmly

    5. The book of no-thing

      1. Everything is within, everything exists, seek nothing outside yourself